


I still love you

by donghyuckmyprince



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform, its mostly past soonhoon, its not a happy ending but its not depressing either, jicehol, well jicheol kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 17:14:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10881333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donghyuckmyprince/pseuds/donghyuckmyprince
Summary: Even after dumb decisions and heartbreak Jihoon still loved Soonyoung.





	I still love you

Jihoon just watched with a small smile on his face as Soonyoung appeared in his line of vision. The once awkward teenager grew and matured into a handsome built man. His face was glowing and the smile he was sporting was divine, it rivaled the sun itself. This was truly a happy moment for the one he love and he should feel happy about it, but the squeezing of his heart was making it impossible.

 

His mind went back to when they met. Jihoon was never the social type, he was always quiet and introverted. Soonyoung was a social butterfly but when entering a new school he was feeling intimidated. Everyone had their friends already and Soonyoung had none. That is, until he saw Jihoon sitting quietly on a corner of the empty halls. When Jihoon saw that Soonyoung was walking to him he immediately panicked, thinking he was about to get punked. But Soonyoung just sat beside him and ate his lunch quietly.

  
Both were too shy to even look at each other in the eye for more than a few seconds the first few weeks of eating in each other's presence. Some would say it looked awkward but to Jihoon, Soonyoung's presence itself was calming and comforting. Soonyoung was the one who had more courage and started talking more so they could become actual friends. They were both in seventh grade and the only friends they had were each other.

  
"I brought some lunch my mom made, you want some?" Middle schooler Soonyoung offered from the little bowl of kimbap he had.

 

Jihoon shyly accepted and silently pushed his bowl of kimchi fried rice as an offer to the boy, who gladly accepted with a bright smile. Soonyoung had braces. And while people thought braces looked ugly, to him Soonyoung with braces was beautiful. He was too shy to say so out loud so he just kept quiet.

  
Soonyoung wasn't a good looking kid in middle school but in Jihoon's eyes he was always pretty. High school was really when Soonyoung hit puberty, awkward limbs turned lean with a bit of muscle from constant dancing. His face, although it was the same cute face from middle school, it had lost a bit of baby fat. He still had those pinchable cheeks but he looked handsome.

  
And although Soonyoung was popular amongst the girls he still stayed by Jihoon's side. He didn't really have friends beside Jihoon anyway. They were loyal to each other.

  
Jihoon had gradually opened up more to Soonyoung to the point where he cracked jokes with him or fell asleep with Soonyoung on the phone or skype.

 

  
Jihoon stared at Soonyoung as he smiled widely, his eyes shining like two diamonds and his nose crinkling in the cutest way possible. His cheeks were light pink which made him even more adorable. The suit hugged his body beautifully and his hair was like it's always been, to the front, the only thing that changed was that it was now blonde.

 

  
16 year old Jihoon was sitting in Soonyoung's new car. New in the aspect he just got it but otherwise it was falling apart. Either way, Soonyoung was still happy that he was finally able to drive, not legally cause he didn't have a license but still.

  
Soonyoung turned to him with a huge grin. "I wanted to tell you something today, actually." Despite his confidence his voice had a slight tremble to it.

  
Jihoon's breath hitches, his smile was breathtakingly beautiful. "What is it?" He asked curious and expectant. This had to be important if it had Soonyoung trembling.

  
"I like you." His once confident smile turned shy as he adverted his eyes away from Jihoon. The blush on his cheeks was cute and it made Jihoon's heart flutter. His stomach churned at the confession, he never thought Soonyoung would've liked him that way.

  
Jihoon couldn't help the small laugh of happiness and the warm feeling that spread across his whole body. His heart was beating fast against his chest and he thought he would suffer from cardiac arrest. "Do you mean it?"

  
Soonyoung gave a short nod and looked at Jihoon again. "Do you like me too?"

  
"You have no idea how much I do." Jihoon lunged forward in a uncomfortable position, he crashed his lips against Soonyoung's in excitement. He had been waiting for this moment for years.

  
Jihoon always knew he had feelings towards Soonyoung. From the very first day he sat beside him. He fell instantly for the boy, and everyday his feelings grew stronger. Every touch and smile sent his way made him fall deeper. Soonyoung is beautiful inside and out, no one could possibly resist his charms. He just wondered what Soonyoung saw in him.

 

  
Soonyoung gave a small wave to Jihoon while he stood in the front, that smile never faltering or leaving his face. Jihoon felt his heart beat faster and waved back discretely.

 

  
In that same car Jihoon happened to do a lot of things.

  
"Wanna smoke?" Soonyoung had taught Jihoon how to roll a blunt. It was the first time he had gotten high and he wouldn't lie, he loved it. He loved it more because the feeling of being with Soonyoung intensified as they laughed about nothing in particular and shared lazy kisses.

  
-

  
"I bought beer." And so they got drunk. Jihoon didn't go back to his house that night, scared that his parents would scold him.

  
-

  
"I downloaded some movies to my computer." And that turned into a movie night with the back seats pulled down for more space.

  
-

  
"Wanna camp in the woods?"

  
Soonyoung grabbed his butt through his school pants pressing him further against him. Jihoon let out a small whine of want into Soonyoung's mouth as they kissed. They both broke apart and stared into each other's eyes. "You're so hot, Jihoon."

  
Jihoon whimpered when Soonyoung squeezed his butt. "Soonyoung."

  
That was the night that Jihoon had lost his virginity.

  
In that car they had endless dates. In that car they ate at 2am cause Jihoon was hungry and wanted fast food. In that car they slept when they had broken their curfew and had been locked out of their houses by their angry parents.

 

It was another late night when Soonyoung came by Jihoon's and told the boy to pack clothes and go outside secretly. They were stupid 17 year olds so Jihoon said what he was told.

  
"My mom saw the video." Soonyoung bit his lip as he was driving.  
Jihoon's eyes widened.

  
"What did she say?!" Jihoon started freaking out. "Oh my god, Soonyoung!"

  
"She kicked me out." Soonyoung smiled sadly. "She's gonna call your mom in the morning."

  
"What are we gonna do?"

  
"Run away together."

  
Although the idea was absurd it made sense in their teenager heads. In that moment everything made sense and Jihoon's mind was completely convinced it was the right thing to do. Because they love each other.

 

  
Jihoon chuckled and shook his head at the memory. They were so stupid. The video had been them having sex. It was Soonyoung's idea to set up a camera facing his bed in the middle of them making out. What was supposed to be just kissing turned into something more heated and everything had been recorded. Soonyoung had promised to delete it but he never did and that's how his mom got to see it. The next weeks they stayed at a small cheap motel. And although they starved most of the time their moments in the room made up for everything. So much things they went through together, Jihoon thought, his eyes never leaving the one he loves dearly.

  
"Let's get a tattoo." Soonyoung said enthusiastically. Soonyoung got a job and both lived well with Jihoon going to school. "I want to mark you as mine."

 

"You do that everyday, stupid." Jihoon said from their bed.

  
"Not like that, I want to mark forever, cause you're mine."

"Matching tattoos?" Jihoon asked.

  
"Yeah."

  
"What did you have in mind?"

  
"An infinity sign, cause I want to be with you forever and ever. And it's your 18th birthday so..."

 

  
Jihoon rubbed his wrist where the small infinity sign with Soonyoung's initials was and smiled down at it. It was a stupid thing to do, but he didn't regret getting it at all, his heart still belonged to him.

 

  
"Jihoon-ah..." Jihoon had just arrived from his college classes to find Soonyoung sitting on the edge of their bed. The past few weeks all they did was fight and argue. They barely even touched each other or kissed. He was hurting of course, Soonyoung was the one who always initiated every fight. "Lets talk."

  
Jihoon dreaded this moment, he knew what was gonna happen and he already felt tears welling in his eyes. He went to sit on their bed where Soonyoung was.

  
"I met someone a few months ago and--"  
"No! You're not leaving me for someone else! I left everything for you Soonyoung!" Jihoon yelled. "I haven't talked to my parents in three years!" His hands frantically grabbed the front of Soonyoung's shirt. "Please! We can make this work. We've been together for five years don't do this to me, please." He pleaded, the tears falling on his cheeks. "We've been friends longer than that, please." His voice broke at that as he tried to make eye contact, which Soonyoung avoided.

  
Soonyoung bit his lip staring at the hands clutching on his shirt then to their owner. "I'm sorry Jihoon, I fell in love with someone else."

  
"Why?! Even though we fight a lot I've stayed loyal to you cause I love you! Soonyoung, please, I love you... you're my only friend. We promised to be together forever."

  
"Jihoon."

  
"Please..."

  
"I'm sorry."

  
That same night Soonyoung drove him to his house, the one he left in a nervous fit with. He couldn't stop the tears as they passed the streets and everything was becoming more familiar. He sniffled trying to stop the tears but failed when he started to sob uncontrollably, startling Soonyoung. "Jihoonie don't cry, please." He said sadly, looking briefly at him.

  
"How do you expect me to not cry? you betrayed me, you made empty promises. You know what? Fuck you, you never cared about me."

  
In the same car where everything started it ended that night.

  
"I love you." He whispered to the cold night's air.

  
And he still does love Kwon Soonyoung.

  
"I do." Soonyoung said with his radiant smile, eyes crinkling in happiness and joy. Something that Jihoon hasn't seen in a long time.

 

Jihoon couldn't watch any longer so he stood up and made his out the very place Kwon Soonyoung was getting married. Promising his loyalty and life to the person he loved. A person that was not Lee Jihoon.

  
Just like that night years ago he let the tears fall freely. He walked down the street in his suit and tie looking very out of place.

  
He was getting older and he could not move on or just completely forget Soonyoung. Forget that he even existed, because the first thing that pops into Jihoon's mind when he's awake is Soonyoung. He was too deep in and he thought he couldn't get out.

  
28 year old Jihoon still didn't know what to do even though he was a successful song writer/producer. Even though he had money and success he still didn't have the one thing he wanted the most. He had people who supported him but he didn't have the love and support of the man he wanted the most.

  
28 year old Jihoon still loved Soonyoung and the only thing that kept him going was the memories of them together.

 

  
"Why's such a pretty man like you crying on a Saturday night?"  
Jihoon looked at the man who sat next to him on the bench he was sitting at. He didn't reply and just looked down at his lap.

  
"So you're not gonna tell me." The guy smiled. "I'm Choi Seungcheol."

  
"L-Lee Jihoon." He tried his best at saying but his voice came out a little strangled. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Lee Jihoon."

  
"Nice to meet you, Jihoon."

  
"You too." Though it was a lie, he just wanted to be alone.

  
"Say Jihoon, tell me how do I make a beautiful man smile?"

  
Jihoon looked down in embarrassment, his cheeks heating up. It may be because it's been a long time since anyone had called him beautiful but his heart fluttered a little. Actually the last person to call him beautiful was Soonyoung.

  
"Do you have a band aid?" Seungcheol asked, noticing Jihoon falling into his thoughts again.

  
"Huh?" Jihoon looked at Seungcheol confused at what the man was asking.

  
"Cause I scraped my knee falling for you." The smile that the man wore was beautiful and it made Jihoon question himself.

  
Jihoon couldn't help the laugh that made its way out of his mouth, doubled over at the cheesy words. "Oh my god! What are you even saying?" He wheezed out in hysterics.

  
"You stopped crying." Seungcheol noted when Jihoon made his best to stop laughing.

  
Jihoon smiled bright trying to compose himself. "Thank you."

And maybe just maybe. Love came in the form of a man completely different from the one he was in love with.


End file.
